323

Chapter 323: Untitled

Translator: Atlas Studios  Editor: Atlas Studios

However, he was so shocked by the verdict that he stumbled back. He held the tree to support himself, and for a long while, he could not speak.

At that moment, he gazed at Feng Jingfan, who looked like she was in a daze. He saw the cold and malicious expression on the small girl’s face, and it was an expression similar to that of Xuanji’s Empress. This child had killed another child—she was so evil at such a young age. Furthermore, she had even tried to deceive him. What use was there to allow her to live?

He extended his hand, but he was blocked by Epsilon.

Epsilon had always been the protector of the mother and daughter. Having stayed in the Xuanji Palace for a long while, he had not stepped out of Xuanji in years.

Because of Epsilon’s presence, the young him was not able to kill who he wanted to get rid of, and he could not further investigate the truth of what had happened that night in the palace. This man, who was powerful yet loyal to the malicious woman, was a protective wall that could not be shifted. Neither he nor Feng Xuan could cross that wall at that time.

As such, he left quietly. Even if his martial arts was not as powerful, he had other methods as well. At the very least, he could not want that fake Lotus.

After that, he had used all means to break the engagement. As for the secret request that the Xuanji royal family had raised, he had been nonchalant about it. No matter what, Feng Jingfan would never ever become his wife.

However, for that tiny girl, his instincts had told him that she was still alive.

He would not believe that she had died. The unique and bright girl, whose personality still shone even after five dark years of suffering, definitely had her role to play in the universe. She should not be silently subdued by fate and die at such a young age.

That moment, he had made up his mind to find her, and then allow her to decide on whether she wanted to take revenge personally. If he could not find her in his lifetime, he would help her get rid of her foes before they died.

Later on, he had not been very diligent with political affairs. When he had time, he would tour around the city in plain clothes, hoping that he would have the chance to meet that girl etched in his memory.

Then, on that fateful night at Mystic Essence Mountain in Taiyuan, he had been practicing his sword skills under the moonlight. When he had turned back, he had coincidentally seen the woman who had been pushed down the cliff slowly rising up.

He had seen the expression on that woman’s face. It had been sharp and cold, and she had seemed as though she had lived through many changes, which was a sight uncommon amongst her age group.

That expression had been solemn and out-of-place on her young face – she resembled the five-year-old child from years ago, who expressed the sorrowful feelings of a 20-year-old.

At that moment, his heart had slightly wrenched as he had recalled the overlapping expressions that had been buried deep in his memory.

As such, he had made an exception to get close to her; ever since he had met Feng Jingfan, he had not been very willing to be near to women.

However, he had neared her, understood her, and fallen in love with her.

She had changed too much in these few years. It included her appearance, figure, and energy, and even the structure of her bones was completely different from before. However, the gleam in her eyes had not changed. She still bravely persevered even after suffering from torture, remained resilient even under bad circumstances, and was still slightly awkward and embarrassed after being teased.

But from then on, he had understood the feeling of being in a dilemma.

He was both happy and worried about her losing the part of her memory that happened before she was five. It was much better for her to just forget such a depressing past, the pain that she had suffered and the act of him not keeping her promise. At least, she would remain well-protected. However, he was worried that there would be a deadline for her memory being locked. If she were to recall it one day, how would she face it? And how would he face her?

There had been countless times that he had told himself not to tell her. It was because he had always felt that her happiness was much more important than taking revenge. However, was that really what he thought? Or was he more afraid of her further distancing herself from him when the truth was revealed, because he had not saved her from such a depressing and deadly suffering, and therefore resulting in a huge gap between him and her?

He was Zhangsun Wuji, a man who was known to have superior wisdom, would calculate each step he took, and create revolutionary change. Everyone in the universe said he would never commit mistakes, and he was the Wuji Crown Prince who was forever careful and detailed. Yet, only he knew that he had missed a chance in his whole life.

And that one time was a sin that could never be compensated.

When he had seen Old Lu drawing the scene of the second drawing, he had suddenly felt cold.

He had fallen into the coldest ice cellar of the first floor.

He knew that the small Nameless Feng had lied to him. But he did not know that what she had been through was such a humiliating torture.

In that drawing, the cupboard had been present behind the curtain. He knew, including what the eunuch had done… a royal like him fully understood.

He understood what she had been through back in those days.

For five years… it was almost about 1,800 days, and she had to live in such a manner. She had not only been hungry but also freezing during the winter and burning in summer. There had been dark days that daylight couldn’t be seen, the suffering she had been subjected to every day, and there was also the mental torture which superseded all pain.

Yet him, at that moment, had abandoned her after giving her hope. He had left her to be tortured by Old Lu once again, and face the cruelest ending in this universe.

He had left her crying and screaming for help in the darkness. She had personally witnessed her mother’s tragic death, but no one had answered her calls for help.

How could he face her?

He had made a grave mistake.

He should have returned, even if it meant lying to his Teacher’s Junior Brother going against his sect’s rules. He should have brought her away, regardless of whether he would be chased down by his sect. It was wrong of him to hold on to the glimmer of hope that she would be fine after being hidden for so long, and it would be fine to wait for a few more days.

Fate never waited for people.

The terrible mistake was made.

Furthermore, he was, to a large extent, responsible for Fuyao’s suffering. If his Teacher’s Junior Brother had not suddenly detoured to visit Epsilon when passing by Xuanji’s Palace, if he had not coincidentally met her after being impatient of waiting, and if he had not appeared, which had made Feng Jingfan to know of his whereabouts, Fuyao would not have been discovered.

Maybe Fuyao might be found out in the years to come as she grew up, and she would still have to go through the same torture. But no matter what, that night remained a nightmare which he had created by accident.

Because of this, he felt like a sinner who wanted to compensate her in every way possible. However, after what had happened, no matter how much he compensated her, it was still not enough to appease his remorse.

Sometimes, he would think of silently removing all the affiliated people back then, so that she would never have the opportunity to find out the truth. But he knew that he had no right to be so selfish.

Cleaving Nine Heavens required one to go through the most painful suffering, both physically and mentally, before one could truly reach the peak of the skill. Though the truth about Fuyao’s background dealt an extremely painful blow to her, it was also a rare chance for her to improve herself, and he had no right to remove such a precious opportunity.

Even if that meant he was not giving himself any chances.

In anticipation of such a day, he had continuously been helping Fuyao train her physique, enhance her inner energy, and repair her meridian lines. He had done this because he was afraid of Fuyao not being strong enough to face the truth, which may lead her to go into psychosis if she was unable to control herself when improving her skills.

Fuyao now had the ability to control herself. He trusted her and no longer worried about that.

As for himself…

Zhangsun Wuji smiled, and his smile was so fragile and thin that it resembled a cracked, white porcelain piece. He raised his hand to cover his eyes, as though the moonlight was too bright for him.

The jade-white lotus in his palm appeared lively and clear under the shine of the moonlight. He looked at it in a daze, and his mind wandered back to his past.

“Wuji, you’re born with the lotus mark, and it’s becoming clearer and clearer. Does this mean that your future wife is a jade lotus?” When he was three or four, he sat on his father’s lap and flipped through the official reports while listening to his father nagging for the 10,000th time about this lotus. Meanwhile, he casually edited a comment on one of the reports.

“I’ll find you a lotus-like girl tomorrow then.” His father projected into the future while hugging him in smiles. “What kind of lotus can deserve my Wuji?”

Zhangsun Wuji looked back and said clearly, “Lotus or not, she must first be a good woman.”

His father’s eyes opened wide, as though he didn’t expect his young son to be discussing about women with him. Unable to hold back, he laughed and asked, “So Wuji, what kind of women do you think are good women?”

He looked away and continued editing the reports that didn’t fit his standards. “She will hug me and cry for me.”

Behind him, his father turned silent. He also became quiet, and he pursed his lips. Even if his father hugged him for 10,000 times, without a mother’s hug, he still felt lonely and empty.

Childhood memories stayed distinct in his memory, especially this conversation. He would recall it from time to time, and each time it replayed, he would uncontrollably smile bitterly. It was such a simple request, but it was so difficult for him.

For 13 years, no one had truly gotten close to him. Other people said no one dared to near a sly genius like him; his father was warm and loving, but he was often limited by his illness, and his mother… she never needed him.

That was until he turned 13.

When he had first met her, he had empathized with her as a fellow sufferer, and he had treated her warmly. At that time, he had not thought much about it. However, when she had looked back at him when he had been combing her hair, her expression had made his heart tremble.

A sentence suddenly had come to him – she was crying for him.

Because she had experienced the same kind of loneliness, she had understood him, pitied him, and known the mature and bitter side of him, which had usually been hidden under his glamorous front.

In that instant, she had given him what his closest kin had never given him.

And when he had closed his palm on that tiny lotus, he had immediately made his decision.

She would be his lotus.

As such, the map of Xuanji had appeared. Very casually, but without any second thoughts, he had handed over his future to her.

However, right now, she might not want it anymore, right?

Zhangsun Wuji smiled faintly. Raising his glass towards the cold moonlight, he downed it in one gulp.

He drank from moonrise until the darkest time of the night, and from then to the wee hours of the morning when the sun had just started to rise, and the dewdrops could be seen. The half-kilogram wine jug fell from the tree and landed on the ground, causing the strongly fragrant alcoholic scent to waft around the courtyard.