43

Chapter 43: Have I screwed up everything myself?

Translator: DragonRider

He had suppressed his feelings for too long.

Unconsciously his feelings for Chen Keyao had already gone beyond a mere crush. Even if he neglected them intentionally or avoided facing them, he could not let them die off on their own. That kind of sentiment gradually expanded and thrived in his heart, and when he had to face it, it had already occupied all his thoughts.

Rong Yi couldn’t control it anymore, so he had to be controlled by it.

But impulse was ultimately a bad thing.

Chen Keyao’s lips were as soft as in his memory. But unlike in the past, his whole body was stiff.

The pleasure of an unresponsive kiss was fleeting.

Rong Yi quickly retreated.

In the chaos, he thought that it would not be surprising if Chen Keyao was frightened by him, because he was frightened by himself too.

But when he saw Chen Keyao’s expression, this psychological construction still had no effect.

Chen Keyao looked pale. For a few seconds when they stood staring at each other, he seemed to be trying very hard to hold something back, but soon he unnaturally lowered his head and put his hand over his mouth.

He seemed to want to say something as Rong Yi looked at him helplessly, but in the end he could not open his mouth, but just waved his hand and walked quickly to the garbage bin by the roadside.

While he squatted and uncontrollably retched, Rong Yi stood still and looked at him quietly.

He felt his palms were freezing cold.

As before, Chen Keyao could not spit out anything, tried to hold back but could not control his physiological nausea. Soon his eyes became red, and the corners of his eyes were full of tears from discomfort.

He looked pitiful.

Rong Yi thought, ‘Looks like I’ve done him harm.’

So he looked around, found a convenience store, and went in to buy a bottle of water. By the time he came out of the convenience store, Chen Keyao had stood up and looked at him nonplussed, as if he was looking for him.

When Rong Yi went up to him and handed the water over, Chen Keyao was obviously surprised.

When he took the water, the two men said at the same time, “I’m sorry.”

Rong Yi hesitated for a moment and then smiled at Chen Keyao. “It’s me who was taking advantage of you. What are you apologizing for? It’s not the first time you’ve vomited at me.”

Chen Keyao was apparently totally not expecting Rong Yi to react like this. He took the water bottle and asked cautiously: “… Not upset with me?”

“No,” Rong Yi shrugged. “You can’t control this kind of thing yourself.”

“For the time being,” Chen Keyao looked at him. “But if you don’t mind, I’ve already…”

“Have already learned the lesson, right?” Rong Yi said.

Chen Keyao was stunned.

Rong Yi turned his head and stopped looking at him: “I find you annoying, so deliberately tried to frighten you.”

Having said that, he waited for a long time, but Chen Keyao remained silent. Then he frowned and continued to say, “Now that you know it, don’t try to provoke me again.”

Chen Keyao took a step in his direction: “Rong Yi, I…”

“I suddenly remember something I need to do,” Rong Yi interrupted. “I’m going now.”

Rong Yi felt that if he stayed one more second, he would lose control.

He got himself planted in the same pit for the second time. The first time it was an unexpected fall, what about now?

In these days, he circled around the pit, carefully looked in, deceived himself by telling himself he was not attracted, and then still fell into it again when not paying attention.

He jumped in deliberately at his own will. But it was also possible that he had never managed to fully climb out of it in the first place.

Rong Yi only realized now that he might have been clear about this in his subconscious mind, but he was just unwilling to admit it. After all, if he were to be a different person, why would he have been taking pains not to over-interpret the other party’s behaviour?

He had fallen in love with many people in his imagination. Fantasy itself was a very happy thing. He could fantasise about spending the rest of his life with any person who pleased his eye, and then in the face of reality, at most let out a whimper, without caring too much about it.

Just fantasising, no loss, no harm to anybody. Self-pleasure, nothing wrong with it.

But with Chen Keyao, he just could not. He did not dare. He feared that once those sweet delusions were punctured, he would be really sad.

It seemed impossible to say exactly what was so good about Chen Keyao, but somehow he was just that different person.

.

Rong Yi arrived home late.

When he entered the door, he was being very careful for fear that he would make a noise. He didn’t even turn on the light in the corridor. He finally breathed a sigh of relief when he crept into his room and closed the door behind him.

Chen Keyao did not notice him. But maybe he did, but ignored him as he didn’t see any particular need to say hello.

Either way, just don’t let him face this person for the time being.

After wandering aimlessly outside for several hours, now lying in bed after the shower, he found that his legs were sour. Clearly very tired, but he still couldn’t sleep at all with eyes closed.

Everything that happened in the past two days floated before his eyes.

Chen Keyao said he was sure that he would look very good in a white suit and wanted to eat the pickled radish he made. He laughed at him and held his hand.

He was really shameless.

He was cute, too.

Rong Yi buried his head under the duvet and felt the buzz in his ears. Suddenly he started to regret. Why should he be so impulsive? Wasn’t it good enough to just continue to get along with each other as before? He could still cook for him every day, listen to his praise, talk to him from time to time, occasionally have a fight, get upset with him but quickly reconcile. Those sad childhood experiences, Chen Keyao was willing to tell him without reservation. That should be a proof of intimacy, right.

… Have I screwed up everything myself?

Rong Yi got out of the duvet and was lost in his thoughts in the dark.

In this way, not only would he lose sleep, but also the brain would explode. After turning over several times, he simply picked up his cell phone.

Switched to the friends circle and browsed randomly. He found that the whole world except for him, seemed to be immersed in happiness.

Some friends were showing off their half-decorated new houses, some were traveling with their lovers, and some posted weekend meals with their families. Yu Wenluo, whom he got acquainted not long ago, posted up a picture a few hours ago, showing a little girl, no more than four or five years old, sleeping peacefully in his arms.

He wrote: Thank you for your concern. My little princess is OK now.

Chen Keyao had pressed the ‘Like’ button under the post. Refusing to show weakness, Rong Yi immediately pressed the ‘Like’ button too.

Browsing forward, Rong Yi saw Zhou Li also sent a friends circle post not long ago, thanking everyone for their concern. But the content was a little frightening.

He said that Mimi, who had been secretly thrown out by his grandma, was finally retrieved successfully.

Just as he was feeling sorry for this snake’s misfortune, he was surprised to find that, under this friends circle post, a familiar but unexpected person appeared.

Liu Yuan, who was supposed to have no life overlapping or contact information of Zhou Li, had pressed the heart-shaped ‘Like’ button and left a message.

“You’ve worked so hard today. You should turn in earlier.”

What was more frightening was that Zhou Li had replied to it.

“You too.”

Rong Yi was even in a trance for a moment. These two people, who he had been secretly expecting to develop a relationship, actually quietly made progress without him knowing. This was supposed to be a pleasant occurrence, but Rong Yi couldn’t help thinking of his own miseries before he could feel happy for them.

They had both been singles difficult to find dates. Zhou Li was totally different from him.

This Omega was beautiful, lovely and charming, who was earnestly pursued by countless Alphas. Whenever he wanted, he could start a romantic relationship.

Rong Yi had always been envious. But at the moment, he thought he might even be a little jealous.

Fortunately, his self-loathing didn’t last long, because he suddenly realized that he didn’t need to be liked by too many people after all.

He just wanted to be liked by one person now.

He wanted to fall in love with that person again, and he could even pretend that he was really an alpha for that. Compared with Zhou Li, he was more jealous of that deceased predecessor Chen Keyao mentioned.

This person was so annoying. He had possessed such a good lover, and yet he had not cherished it.

So good. He made people feel he was useless, but still everything about him was good.

.

No matter how low you feel, you still have to go to work.

Rong Yi, who did not have enough sleep, was so confused all day that he didn’t start to think about the possible awkwardness when sitting at the dinner table face-to-face with Chen Keyao tonight until he was about to finish work.

The rescue came from a message from Zhou Li.

He seemed to be having such a meltdown that he sent out a series of crazy little soybeans and said, “I can’t stand it! I’m going to quit!”

Rong Yi only hesitated for a second and then replied.

“What’s the matter? Do you want to come out for dinner if you are not happy? ”

At the same time, he also wanted to ask how he and Liu Yuan had started their relationship.

.

After ordering a takeout for Chen Keyao without any remorse, he and Zhou Li met at a restaurant midway between their companies.

As soon as Zhou Li sat down, he started to pour out his complaints which was focused on that boss of his again.

It never occurred to Rong Yi that Li Xiaoran was still not deterred by Zhou Li after what had happened. Rong Yi was shocked. But at the same time, he couldn’t help sighing.

In his heart, this man had gone through the transformation from a God to a son of a bitch, and now he had become a little wretched.

There was no doubt that he was also a desirable flower on a high cliff, but fell into a trap designed by someone whom he didn’t love and then was forced to marry a pregnant wife. It was not surprising however much mental transformation a person would go through in such a long and cage-like marriage.

“This man told me that he wanted to divorce his other half for me,” said Zhou Li with an unbelievable face. “Damn it, I didn’t even know he is married. What does it matter to me that he wants a divorce, as if I were the third in the marriage? I can’t even stop myself running away whenever I see him!”

Rong Yi was a little surprised. It was not necessarily a bad thing should those two people get separated. He just didn’t expect that Li Xiaoran seemed to be really serious about Zhou Li.

“Why don’t you curse him together with me!” Zhou Li banged on the table angrily.

Rong Yi did not know which angle to cut in for a while. In his mind, Li Xiaoran’s image suddenly suffered even more. He finally decided to get rid of the wrong life from the past and embrace a new spring, but unfortunately his love interest was totally avoiding him. Judging from his bizarre way of pursuing his love interest, maybe Li Xiaoshan was also short of real love experience in life.

This was making people want to light a candle for this lady-killer who used to charm hundreds of people.

“I’ll write my resignation letter when I go back,” said Zhou Li. “Fuck it. Just as well I’m looking for a chance to travel. Do you have any interest? We can go together!”

When Rong Yi heard this, he suddenly remembered something.

Not long ago, he bought a round-trip ticket for the idol fans meeting, which was for travelling just this weekend.

So many things happened recently that he had almost forgotten about it.

Chapter 43: Have I screwed up everything myself?

Translator: DragonRider

He had suppressed his feelings for too long.

Unconsciously his feelings for Chen Keyao had already gone beyond a mere crush. Even if he neglected them intentionally or avoided facing them, he could not let them die off on their own. That kind of sentiment gradually expanded and thrived in his heart, and when he had to face it, it had already occupied all his thoughts.

Rong Yi couldn’t control it anymore, so he had to be controlled by it.

But impulse was ultimately a bad thing.

Chen Keyao’s lips were as soft as in his memory. But unlike in the past, his whole body was stiff.

The pleasure of an unresponsive kiss was fleeting.

Rong Yi quickly retreated.

In the chaos, he thought that it would not be surprising if Chen Keyao was frightened by him, because he was frightened by himself too.

But when he saw Chen Keyao’s expression, this psychological construction still had no effect.

Chen Keyao looked pale. For a few seconds when they stood staring at each other, he seemed to be trying very hard to hold something back, but soon he unnaturally lowered his head and put his hand over his mouth.

He seemed to want to say something as Rong Yi looked at him helplessly, but in the end he could not open his mouth, but just waved his hand and walked quickly to the garbage bin by the roadside.

While he squatted and uncontrollably retched, Rong Yi stood still and looked at him quietly.

He felt his palms were freezing cold.

As before, Chen Keyao could not spit out anything, tried to hold back but could not control his physiological nausea. Soon his eyes became red, and the corners of his eyes were full of tears from discomfort.

He looked pitiful.

Rong Yi thought, ‘Looks like I’ve done him harm.’

So he looked around, found a convenience store, and went in to buy a bottle of water. By the time he came out of the convenience store, Chen Keyao had stood up and looked at him nonplussed, as if he was looking for him.

When Rong Yi went up to him and handed the water over, Chen Keyao was obviously surprised.

When he took the water, the two men said at the same time, “I’m sorry.”

Rong Yi hesitated for a moment and then smiled at Chen Keyao. “It’s me who was taking advantage of you. What are you apologizing for? It’s not the first time you’ve vomited at me.”

Chen Keyao was apparently totally not expecting Rong Yi to react like this. He took the water bottle and asked cautiously: “… Not upset with me?”

“No,” Rong Yi shrugged. “You can’t control this kind of thing yourself.”

“For the time being,” Chen Keyao looked at him. “But if you don’t mind, I’ve already…”

“Have already learned the lesson, right?” Rong Yi said.

Chen Keyao was stunned.

Rong Yi turned his head and stopped looking at him: “I find you annoying, so deliberately tried to frighten you.”

Having said that, he waited for a long time, but Chen Keyao remained silent. Then he frowned and continued to say, “Now that you know it, don’t try to provoke me again.”

Chen Keyao took a step in his direction: “Rong Yi, I…”

“I suddenly remember something I need to do,” Rong Yi interrupted. “I’m going now.”

Rong Yi felt that if he stayed one more second, he would lose control.

He got himself planted in the same pit for the second time. The first time it was an unexpected fall, what about now?

In these days, he circled around the pit, carefully looked in, deceived himself by telling himself he was not attracted, and then still fell into it again when not paying attention.

He jumped in deliberately at his own will. But it was also possible that he had never managed to fully climb out of it in the first place.

Rong Yi only realized now that he might have been clear about this in his subconscious mind, but he was just unwilling to admit it. After all, if he were to be a different person, why would he have been taking pains not to over-interpret the other party’s behaviour?

He had fallen in love with many people in his imagination. Fantasy itself was a very happy thing. He could fantasise about spending the rest of his life with any person who pleased his eye, and then in the face of reality, at most let out a whimper, without caring too much about it.

Just fantasising, no loss, no harm to anybody. Self-pleasure, nothing wrong with it.

But with Chen Keyao, he just could not. He did not dare. He feared that once those sweet delusions were punctured, he would be really sad.

It seemed impossible to say exactly what was so good about Chen Keyao, but somehow he was just that different person.

.

Rong Yi arrived home late.

When he entered the door, he was being very careful for fear that he would make a noise. He didn’t even turn on the light in the corridor. He finally breathed a sigh of relief when he crept into his room and closed the door behind him.

Chen Keyao did not notice him. But maybe he did, but ignored him as he didn’t see any particular need to say hello.

Either way, just don’t let him face this person for the time being.

After wandering aimlessly outside for several hours, now lying in bed after the shower, he found that his legs were sour. Clearly very tired, but he still couldn’t sleep at all with eyes closed.

Everything that happened in the past two days floated before his eyes.

Chen Keyao said he was sure that he would look very good in a white suit and wanted to eat the pickled radish he made. He laughed at him and held his hand.

He was really shameless.

He was cute, too.

Rong Yi buried his head under the duvet and felt the buzz in his ears. Suddenly he started to regret. Why should he be so impulsive? Wasn’t it good enough to just continue to get along with each other as before? He could still cook for him every day, listen to his praise, talk to him from time to time, occasionally have a fight, get upset with him but quickly reconcile. Those sad childhood experiences, Chen Keyao was willing to tell him without reservation. That should be a proof of intimacy, right.

… Have I screwed up everything myself?

Rong Yi got out of the duvet and was lost in his thoughts in the dark.

In this way, not only would he lose sleep, but also the brain would explode. After turning over several times, he simply picked up his cell phone.

Switched to the friends circle and browsed randomly. He found that the whole world except for him, seemed to be immersed in happiness.

Some friends were showing off their half-decorated new houses, some were traveling with their lovers, and some posted weekend meals with their families. Yu Wenluo, whom he got acquainted not long ago, posted up a picture a few hours ago, showing a little girl, no more than four or five years old, sleeping peacefully in his arms.

He wrote: Thank you for your concern. My little princess is OK now.

Chen Keyao had pressed the ‘Like’ button under the post. Refusing to show weakness, Rong Yi immediately pressed the ‘Like’ button too.

Browsing forward, Rong Yi saw Zhou Li also sent a friends circle post not long ago, thanking everyone for their concern. But the content was a little frightening.

He said that Mimi, who had been secretly thrown out by his grandma, was finally retrieved successfully.

Just as he was feeling sorry for this snake’s misfortune, he was surprised to find that, under this friends circle post, a familiar but unexpected person appeared.

Liu Yuan, who was supposed to have no life overlapping or contact information of Zhou Li, had pressed the heart-shaped ‘Like’ button and left a message.

“You’ve worked so hard today. You should turn in earlier.”

What was more frightening was that Zhou Li had replied to it.

“You too.”

Rong Yi was even in a trance for a moment. These two people, who he had been secretly expecting to develop a relationship, actually quietly made progress without him knowing. This was supposed to be a pleasant occurrence, but Rong Yi couldn’t help thinking of his own miseries before he could feel happy for them.

They had both been singles difficult to find dates. Zhou Li was totally different from him.

This Omega was beautiful, lovely and charming, who was earnestly pursued by countless Alphas. Whenever he wanted, he could start a romantic relationship.

Rong Yi had always been envious. But at the moment, he thought he might even be a little jealous.

Fortunately, his self-loathing didn’t last long, because he suddenly realized that he didn’t need to be liked by too many people after all.

He just wanted to be liked by one person now.

He wanted to fall in love with that person again, and he could even pretend that he was really an alpha for that. Compared with Zhou Li, he was more jealous of that deceased predecessor Chen Keyao mentioned.

This person was so annoying. He had possessed such a good lover, and yet he had not cherished it.

So good. He made people feel he was useless, but still everything about him was good.

.

No matter how low you feel, you still have to go to work.

Rong Yi, who did not have enough sleep, was so confused all day that he didn’t start to think about the possible awkwardness when sitting at the dinner table face-to-face with Chen Keyao tonight until he was about to finish work.

The rescue came from a message from Zhou Li.

He seemed to be having such a meltdown that he sent out a series of crazy little soybeans and said, “I can’t stand it! I’m going to quit!”

Rong Yi only hesitated for a second and then replied.

“What’s the matter? Do you want to come out for dinner if you are not happy? ”

At the same time, he also wanted to ask how he and Liu Yuan had started their relationship.

.

After ordering a takeout for Chen Keyao without any remorse, he and Zhou Li met at a restaurant midway between their companies.

As soon as Zhou Li sat down, he started to pour out his complaints which was focused on that boss of his again.

It never occurred to Rong Yi that Li Xiaoran was still not deterred by Zhou Li after what had happened. Rong Yi was shocked. But at the same time, he couldn’t help sighing.

In his heart, this man had gone through the transformation from a God to a son of a bitch, and now he had become a little wretched.

There was no doubt that he was also a desirable flower on a high cliff, but fell into a trap designed by someone whom he didn’t love and then was forced to marry a pregnant wife. It was not surprising however much mental transformation a person would go through in such a long and cage-like marriage.

“This man told me that he wanted to divorce his other half for me,” said Zhou Li with an unbelievable face. “Damn it, I didn’t even know he is married. What does it matter to me that he wants a divorce, as if I were the third in the marriage? I can’t even stop myself running away whenever I see him!”

Rong Yi was a little surprised. It was not necessarily a bad thing should those two people get separated. He just didn’t expect that Li Xiaoran seemed to be really serious about Zhou Li.

“Why don’t you curse him together with me!” Zhou Li banged on the table angrily.

Rong Yi did not know which angle to cut in for a while. In his mind, Li Xiaoran’s image suddenly suffered even more. He finally decided to get rid of the wrong life from the past and embrace a new spring, but unfortunately his love interest was totally avoiding him. Judging from his bizarre way of pursuing his love interest, maybe Li Xiaoshan was also short of real love experience in life.

This was making people want to light a candle for this lady-killer who used to charm hundreds of people.

“I’ll write my resignation letter when I go back,” said Zhou Li. “Fuck it. Just as well I’m looking for a chance to travel. Do you have any interest? We can go together!”

When Rong Yi heard this, he suddenly remembered something.

Not long ago, he bought a round-trip ticket for the idol fans meeting, which was for travelling just this weekend.

So many things happened recently that he had almost forgotten about it.